According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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