ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you mean i was at the winter classic?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
