To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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