I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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