at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
