My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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