just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize