Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
