Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am available for nakedness
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
