I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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