Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
