you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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