We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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