Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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