I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
