i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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