One girl and one boy is just not enough.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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