Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
