my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
