Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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