He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
