There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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