So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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