bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
