i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
