Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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