WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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