I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize