I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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