This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
