my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
