Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
