Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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