the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
