At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize