So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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