You really coming over, don't trick.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
