Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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