you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
