just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
