She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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