Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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