He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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