i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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