Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
