Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
