Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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