I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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