you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
