I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
