WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize