her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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