Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
