I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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