Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
