i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
