So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
