Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
