u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
