She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize