Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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