We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
