I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize