i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
