she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
