i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
