i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
