the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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