Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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