Christians are straight up FREAKS
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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