I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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