So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Alive.
So much puke
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize