He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
