"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
