Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
