I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize