God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
