New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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