you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
