Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
