Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
