Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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