dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
