I think I died a long time ago.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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