I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
