how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
porn star boner night. come get it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
