Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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