I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
