my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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