Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
