I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
